Ethan Kennerly

Wow, lots of great work here, Ethan.

I personally had to question your decision to make Monkey Monastery a "virtual" world as opposed to a virtual world, in specifically expressing that the player isn't really there. I suppose it does allow for certain affordances but at the same time I think I would feel let down as a player, and lower my expectations because the game was telling me straight off that I wasn't getting the "real" experience.

I like the experience progression, and the world has a lot of parts that I feel map very clearly to simple, confined game mechanics that would make sense. I am curious as to how the player personally experiences each of these things though. What role do NPCs have, if any (outside of the Dragon Prince...) I like the teachers and I wonder if we'll get to know more about them in the game or not. Basically I'm sort of inquiring as to the "depth" of the characters and the world. I see them right now as very functional but not exceedingly interesting beyond their purpose in the game. This isn't necessarily a bad thing in this.

I would like to know more about the various creatures and what each of them is about and how they relate to the world. Are the vicious creatures and monsters also humans that have been transformed? How can I save them? I know the virtues in your game are Courage, Compassion, and Clarity, but how are those represented in the environment? How do the vices manifest themselves in the function or form of the enemies?

I like the vague Harry Potter-esque clan/house divisions, and I'd like to see that expanded a bit more. I also like the general layout and isolation of the island, it reminds me of Myst in a good way. It makes me want to explore it.

I tried viewing your models in Sketchup but the program was running exceedingly slowly on my machine, not to mention I don't know how to navigate the environment very well. I'd definitely be interested in seeing a walkthrough or similar from you for this, however. I do like the art style, too.

Thanks for the input. Accordingly, I modified the outline:

• I added character bios and creature descriptions.
  
• Now, a few sample monsters embody vices.
  
• To focus on making the basics fun, I removed the advanced grade.
  
• I streamlined and expanded the flow of the user's experience, making the outline order into a user's possible order of experience.

I uploaded a new version of the outline to the same URL, so the old link gives you new the version (dated 11/10 or later).

In the next version, I'll:

• Mention the simulation of virtues and vices.
  
• To make the story more visceral, I'll rewrite the virtual app as runesung travel through the PC to get there, in the flesh.

In the SketchUp model you will see several scene tabs. If for some reason you don't there is a Scene Window. Clicking on each walks through the scenes, not in the same order as the document right now. After the outline goes through more critiques and resulting refinements, I'll reiterate the model.

According to Peggy's feedback and RJ's remaining requests, I uploaded a revised outline. The original link goes to the newest version (dated 11/14 or after).

• Virtues demonstrated through challenges at each location.
  
• Lesson subjects and ordered.
  
• Romantic quest mentioned.
  
• Runesinging explained and rune keyboard illustrated.
  
• Claim of virtue removed from unchallenging avatar customization.