The Function of Tears

I cried for the first time in nine years. And I learned something about what tears can do...

It has been months since we broke up, yet the pain still hides beneath my skin and occasionally strikes back when I’m weak.

Walking in Shanghai, the city where she and I grew up, met and fell in love, I am haunted by the memories of yummy pain.

"It takes a year to fall in love, and it takes a year to recover."

I still can't accept this rule my friends came up. Maybe it is true if you let the wound stay and do nothing about it. But I have too many things to devote to, I can't just let the wound stay and affect my life. I have to tear off that scar by facing her again.

But my effort of seeing her went in vein. The scar was ripped off through phone once again. I used to naively believe that the true love is something magical and can turn anything impossible possible. However, the cherish, the regret and the determination for her have lost their pivot. I found no role to play in the brand new life she desires for the future.

Her silence made me realize how fragile and helpless love could become. It hurt, and it hurt a lot. My eyes went wet. For a long time in my life, her happiness was my happiness; her smile was my smile. Anything I did in my life became twice more enjoyable. But today, the only thing I can do for her happiness is to let her go.

I stand at the corner of the street, facing the wall with tears in my eyes. After some meaningless back and forth and a period of silence, I cried. In the past nine years, I have been through so many difficult times whether it’s in school or at work. Yet I have never dropped a single tear. But on that day, in front of her, I cried, cried without any hold back, cried like a child.

Those tears were helpless tears, heart broken tears, but also tears in joy. The stress and burden of wanting something badly, but not able to, finally got released through the function of tears. Fairness, regrets, dissatisfaction and many more got washed away simultaneously. All the sudden, there’s no more “wanting” left, but a pure single wish, "her happiness".

Through the tears, I was released from the prison of sorrow and regrets. And I got to glance at the beauty of an often ignored aspect of love, not the aspect of what love brings, but the aspect of selfless giving.

Posted by Jenova at December 26, 2008 7:02 PM