marientina

My beloved John Hoi Yee Lau passed away this Thursday, October 28th at 7.30pm. He had been hospitalized for exactly five weeks. He was first diagnosed with nasopharyngeal cancer in 1999 and was in remission for two years up to last year. He died of complications from treatment of his metastasis to the bones and lymphs. He fought very hard till the end. He beat his hospital admission prognosis by four more weeks.

I met John during my second quarter of freshman year in 1996. We became close friends, we were even neighbors for a while and he most often acted like an older brother and father to me. He was receiving treatment in Los Angeles for the past few months so I was very fortunate to have spent a lot of time with him.

Five weeks ago he entered the hospital with pneumonia and a blood infection and started a rollercoaster ride in intensive care. I was the first person he called from the hospital and that I will never forget. He was on a ventillator by the second day and soon after on a tracheiotomy so he couldn't talk to us but he made sure we knew he could listen. He never slipped into a coma and two weeks ago I was able to have a nodding conversation with him. Through yes and no questions and with his eyes closed he explained his pain and that he was no longer strong. I also got him to admit that I was his second platonic wife and for that I will always smile. Somehow his testimony conflicted with his big plan to give me away at my wedding alongside my father.

John was a talented architect, an honest man and a thoughtful friend. He was not afraid to use strong or soft words when it mattered. He was private, protective of his loved ones and never complained about anything unless it was necessary.

His wife Maureen was with him. She has been by his side since she flew down here. He waited patiently for her as he started slipping away. Maureen dropped their nine year-old son Ghikhan with me at my house and John slipped away with her by his side, listening to music on his favorite iPod. He didn't move and couldn't talk but tears rolled down his eyes endlessly as he slipped far away from us. I arrived forty-five minutes later to say goodbye. Marcus brought the boy over to say goodbye also. It was very moving and very precious to watch.

I have never been more touched in my life by the love three people had for each other. John was a wonderful father and a best friend to Maureen. They had been together for almost twenty years. I am thankful for his love to me and although heartbroken, I am happy that he is no longer suffering.

My dear John, I miss you every day.

***1/4/06
It has been over a year. Sometimes it is better to remember a birthday than a death. It seems like only yesterday that we met in French class. Who will keep company to me and Candide now?