Michael Steffen

Late-Night Ramblings of a Thesis Student

Wrote this stream-of-consciousness. Decided to post it. Not sure why.

Knocked off balance. Knocked? Or did I slip? I feel this tension inside. I can't even comprehend what my thesis project will look like right now. I know what I'd like it to look like when finished, but is that anywhere close to reality? I don't have a place to shoot. I need live-action footage. It's a huge part of my project. There are so many variables. So many unknowns. Certainly any work I get done this semester will be more than I've ever done before. But will that be enough? Part of me says make a schedule. But I'm worried it won't be at all realistic. The shoot is the biggest unknown for me right now. Getting a space is only part of it. There's cost (do I even have a budget?), figuring out how to shoot reliable panoramas of a room, the logistics of getting a crew together, and the fact that I desperately want to act in it--and I'm not talking a Hitchcock-style cameo. No, I'm thinking Orson Welles.

I think acting is what got me into all this into the first place. But now I have an interaction-design that I'm really excited about seeing implemented, so I can't slack there either. Maybe if I run into a jam, I can cut the run-length of each moment in time. But I don't think I can cut any more moments--otherwise my interaction-design won't really make sense. I'm worried about getting it all done. I can't believe it's the middle of September already! I bet I can get a lot more done than I'm giving myself credit for right now. But what should take priority? Revising the story/interaction design? Making a functional scene, even if it only contains placeholder art & video? Throw everything into getting the video production going? Somehow, that last one's a paradox. On the one hand, it's the aspect that's stressing me out the most. On the other hand, if the writing & design are good, and the software functions properly to reflect the writing & design, then I don't want production to eat up all my time and effort. If I spend time on the writing, the live-action footage will be good because the actors performances will be good--even if I have to shoot it in my living room (gag!).

Hmm. So how do I keep the priority where I want it, while still putting due effort into the production? It's like I don't really want to think about the production for another month, but I'm worried that if I don't secure a soundstage or other location NOW, I won't have a place to shoot when the time comes. I wonder whether I could shoot the Prelude scenes now. They won't change a whole lot since they're the least interactive. Then I'd have actual footage to put into the engine to test with. Still don't know what to focus on. Worried this will cause me to not focus on anything, as it did today.

Then there's the desire to somehow slip a social life in there somewhere. I'm not asking for a lot. People to hang with. People to have deep conversations with. A woman. I dunno. I want people to know me for who I am. I worry that I hide sometimes behind a shallow facade. How many people really know me? And if they don't know me, is it their fault or is it mine?

Maybe I should sleep...