Paul Bellezza

dude, my mail is down so i have to send this to you as a comment.

this is pretty much a straigh rip-off, but at least i rewote most of it from the original.

im me when you see me as my mail is toast. may be you can take a whack at this with some uncle paulie originality.

two characters approach an ominous looking building.
the one is mostly quite but very cute, the other is a typical worry-wort.
they rap on the door, at first there's not answer, but then they see a surveillance camera checking them out, it swivels and makes mechanical noises
(pov from the surveillance camera zoom-in)
they stand wrapped in suspense as the camera goes silent.
the worry-wort character suggests they should leave, and start to turn to go away but the other character grumbles in complaint.
a loud clicking noise and the door pops open a crack.
the worry wort looks at the cute character cautiously, but he has already started for the door and is well on his way in.
the worry wort rushes to catch-up as they venture down a long impersonal looking corridor.
the door slams shut and they are met by two big security guards who silently fall in behind them, the two glance at one another nervously and quicken their step.
"just deliver the message and let's get out of here".
weird dude steps into their path and in a sly voice ask to know what they're doin here.
the little one replies that they come with a gift.
the weird dude asks them to hand it over.
the little one replies that he has been instructed to deliver it only to the boss man
closeup on the weird dude analysing the situation and the security getting excited.
then a closeup on the little one and again on the wierd dude.
the worry-wort interjects that his friend the little one is very stubborn
closeup on the weird dude
all at once the weird dude turns and gestures to follow him, as he quickly moves down the hall through a series of doors.
the worry-wort leans over and tells his little friend: "i have a bad feeling about this"

enter the throne room
the throne room is filled with the vilest, most grotesque CREATURES ever conceived in the universe.
out two heros seem very small as they pause in the doorway to the dimly lit chamber.
light shafts partially illuminate the drunken courtiers as the weird dude crosses the room to the platform upon which rests the leader of this nauseating crowd.
the monarch of the galactic underworld is a repulsive blob of bloated fat with a
maniacal grin. chained to the horrible creature is the beautiful alien female dancer.
at the foot of the big boss man sits an obnoxious birdlike creature Paul Bezzella.

the weird dude whispers something in the slobbering degenerate's ear. He laughs
horribly, at the two terrified droids before him.

the robots jump forward to stand before the repulsive, loose-skinned villain.

ok, this at least is more original, even if it has little to do with return of the jedi, still tell me what you think, i mean, at least it's still strange...

""the worlds most fucked up whorehouse"

two characters a giant and old guy drive across a deserted freeway. they park and the old guy removes a carefully folded package from the trunk and takes out a toy bear and a picture of a woman. the old guy says to the giant: "today you are a man. bury your first toy and your mother's picture." the giant digs a hole in the sand and buries the bear, as the old guy plays a mouth harp and stares off into the distance. though giant tries to bury his mother's picture he can't quite complete the task and alf the picture remains above the surface of the sand. they drive off.

as they drive, other people start to appear, though the landscape is still very desolate. at some point, the old guy gets out of the car, and as if he were entering another world he motions to the giant to follow him towards a ominous looking building. cut to a circular pool filled with oil, that the giant has to stride across to get out of the car.

the old man raps on the door, at first there's not answer. something or someone is checking them out though. they hear noises. the giant feebly gestures to leave, but the old man grabs him, staring straight ahead, and just at that moment, with a loud clicking noise and the door pops open a crack. the old man confidently pushes it open and ushers the giant up and endless set of stairs (down a corridor?).

quite suddenly a weird hairy old lady steps into their path and in a mucousy voice ask to know what they're doing here. the old man replies in an inaudible tone. closeup on the hairy old lady staring judgementaly, finally she relents, cracking a smile as she turns and gestures lavishly for them to follow her down the hall.

enter the first room of the bordello. a really old scratchy sounding recording of tango music fills the air. the room is lit unevenly lit by shafts of light. it is filled with couple dancing mostly boring pudgy men paired off with a wide assortment of freeks: girls in bobby socks outfits, raver chicks with pink hair, hairy naked men in drag, guys in lederhosen with sci-fi make-up, and even what appear to be life-sized puppets. along the side of the room a few people are not dancing, the camera darts around the scene and settles on a particularly strange and quite small bird-like puppet dressed in a white frilly negligee. we realize that it is the giant's point of view. the two freeks' glances meet.

the old man whispers something in hairy lady's ear. she scuttles off, escorting the giant as the old man hobbles over a bar area where he appears to order a drink. in a long shot we her introducing the giant to the bird woman while the old man gets his drink. cut back to the old man's POV as the two begin to try and dance with one another. the old man swivels on his chair and speaks to the person sitting beside him, a kind of pulsating object that looks like a giant heart: "there comes a day when you have to share the wealth"

The old man scarfs down some pretzels and looks-up from the bar to a TV hanging over it, something titilating is playing on screen, he looks down. He looks catches a glance of himself in the mirror, squints to see but can't quite do it, he and quickly looks around for another shiny surface, and finds coctail shaker (or some kind of convex mirrored object). he spots a crumb on his face, wipes it away along with some slobber from his bottom lip.

he finished his drink (tipping an olive into his mouth), stands up and head for the old hairy lady, who by now has taken-up a spot sitting on top of a high chair overseeing the weird scene. he mumbles something to her, she laughs knowingly and slaps his boney old butt, which makes him cough and laugh at the same time."

Is this how you came up with that 507 film?