RJ Layton

Overall, it's a well-researched extrapolation in the timeline, but then jumps to a completely different Matrix-style post-apocalypse. In general, I wonder: what is your story thesis? I'd like to know more about the details of how the world expresses your thesis, the story you want the user to tell him or herself about humanity, about him or herself, in relation to this world of yours.

There's a lot of good ideas in the history, but not all of them have payoffs in the actual world, and some of the ones that do feel a bit superficial.

The robots are interesting and have the broad strokes and promises of a society. I hope you "flesh" out their social structure out through the artifacts of the world structure.

Most importantly, since this is a game, please explain every part of the environment in terms of the player's interaction. It sounds interesting in theory, but I have no idea how to play, or what my motivation is. The player is the main character of the story, so I hope you give him or her due attention and description of his or her role. I'm not sure, now, anything about the player's identity or appearance, only their caste.

intro
"slave robot that has been repurposed for its new life of construction and maintenance of the Tower."

At the start, the player is still under control, or has the player rebelled?

" Inside the Tower, construction and maintenance takes place, "

What kinds of construction and maintenance?

History

The extrapolated timeline is fascinating and makes relevant remarks on popular predictions on artificial intelligence, natural resource consumption, transportation technology. It is tantalizing to see these technologies milestones interact with each other to plot toward your premise. IF THEY ENRICH the user experience, I would personally like to see even more such interactions of AI + other tech + society. As Jordan Weisman relayed from Ray Bradbury: sci-fi is not about tech, it's about people.

"2011, A toy company releases “DiaryPet,” "

How close are we to DiaryPet in 2007, four years before?

"2019 Japanese scientists announce that they have created a machine that can successfully pass the Turing test."

How close is artificial intelligence to passing the Turing test in 2007?

"2036 The first personal androids become available to the public. They may receive instructions to perform many daily tasks, such as preparing meals, housecleaning, laundry, and more."

That's an interesting economic and social editorial comment. Is this a Bicentennial Man reference?

"2040 The first commercial implants become available and are wildly successful. The most popular implants are for improving vision and for controlling heart rate in case of heart attack."

What kind of tech is the "implant"? Please specify the terminology of the tech. Is it biological or mechanical?

"2048 MIT researches introduce the world’s first sentient machine."

Sentient as in Buddhist belief in sentience? Please qualify.

"2053 American scientists announce that they have developed a method of recording memories onto a data source."

As in Brainstorm?

"2054 World harvests hit lowest point in decades."

Of all the resource bottlenecks, why food? Agricultural technology in 2007 is capable of feeding earth's population.

"2061 Personal sentient androids with the ability to record an owner’s memory as a method of diary become available. The feature is instantly popular."

Uh... what does that mean? How does one interact with such an android?

"2073 World governments solicit emergency plans in the event of a planetary apocalypse. "

Is this a reference to Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? Is this a Christian overture? What cause of apocalypse is most likely? Of the four, I personally believe it is war. Death, famine and pestilence are already dwindling, whereas war is evolving!

After the exodus
"performing work on it" What kind of work? I need a visual.

"However, a brain may retain memories and learn new things which then make the brain unique." Vague, so unconvincing as a technical explanation.

What do Architects look like? What is the architectural organization of the robots? What is the footprint on the environment? How do they interact? If this is part of the playable experience, then a couple of examples, please.

"Architects, and are known as Communicators for the Architects/Prophets within the Tower"

Architect/Prophet, Engineer/Communicator. Double-naming is confusing. Pick one that is the core of their story function.

Is reprogramming playable? That would rock! As in Bioshock, perhaps a puzzle game...

", by using a specific radio frequency signal." ? Explain or cut out.

"Slave Machine may experience “dreams.” " Cool! What do robots dream of? Any Philip K. Dick references lurking? Examples please. Is this a justification for cutscenes and prophecies? It's a very good one.

Locations
What does a player do at the ruins?

What's fun about the staircase? (Falling? *wink* *wink*)

What does a player do at a hideout?

Spires sound glorious! A few more visual details that indicate the background and psychology of the robots would rock. (turning on the broken record...) What does a player do at a spire?

What does a "womb" look like? Get visual. What does it say about the psychology and society of robots? What is your editorial comment or theme about humans?

What, in a nutshell, is the story of the Tower? This is a world, but not just any. You have something you're trying to say; a comment, a thesis, about human society. What is that message? How does each area and each robot express your thesis? How does the player express your thesis?

"Also referred to as the Dungeon" Isn't one name enough?

"This is a place of worship for Slave Machines" This could be lame or amazing. Make it amazing, please. Details, visuals. What do they do? What is your thesis? What is their psychology? What are their metaphors of language and space, time, infinity, life, death, community, hive minds, and god?

What does dormitory look like?

For all the rest: what does it look like? What does the player do there? (that is fun...)

Look forward to the next.